Tonight is the Superbowl…the Superbowl of the Bachelor that is. The finale when Ben chooses his leading lady.
I consider myself part of the Bachelor’s inside-circle.
I first began watching it back when I was in the 9th grade, in 2002—before it was “cool” or “popular”—and followed it for years, religiously.
Every Monday night, while working on homework, I’d flip the tube on—and sit out the long commercial breaks (way before Tivo) to catch all the action week to week.
In college, my best girlfriends and I would have “Bachelor watching parties”—girls’ nights to get together and yell at the screen for the Bachelor to choose our favorite girls during each subsequent rose ceremony.
I even, embarrassingly, considered applying to be on the show myself.
Then, life got busy, graduate school happened, I stopped watching TV…and my Bachelor watching days fell to the wayside.
I couldn’t tell you much of anything that went on this season.
But, thanks to the “daily news” of newsfeeds, like “Good Morning America”, the “Today Show” and even NPR, I’ve been able to stay somewhat in the loop that tonight is “kinda a big deal.”
Catching a brief glimpse of the tease for the show-down for tonight’s episode [Who’s it gonna be: JoJo (Joelle) or LB (Lauren Bushnell)?!], got me thinking about all the lessons the good ol’ show The Bachelor has taught me over the years…about myself—my self-worth.
Some thoughts for all you ladies consider on your Monday—regardless of whether you’ve followed The Bachelor or not…
- You are beautiful. Unlike men, you, my friend, are beauty incarnate. The beginning of every Bachelor season introduces us to about 30-something ladies—all of whom are gorgeous (it’s tough to be The Bachelor)…On the outside, the chicks seemingly ‘have it all’—perfect hair, stunning outfits, dazzling smiles, sparkling eyes, clear skin. Of course, this is also greatly due to TV-worthy makeup and an effort to put their best foot forward…but by and large, there is a unique beauty to each and every individual on the show. And, the same goes for you, my friend.While some of the girls on the show definitely do know they are beautiful (some a little too much), there is a 97% guarantee that those girls are ALL comparing their own beauty to one another—just like you are comparing your own beauty to them too.In other words: WE DON’T ALWAYS SEE OUR OWN BEAUTY OR WORTH.We think things like: “She has it all together”…When someone else may very well be thinking the same thing about you. There’s no question that, if you are a woman, you have SOME SPECIAL, UNIQUE BEAUTY ABOUT YOU (God created women as the ‘beautiful creatures’ of this world after all). And even if you don’t see it…or you are comparing yourself to other girls (on TV, social media, your peers, strangers on the street)…you ARE BEAUTIFUL.
- A Man Does NOT Define (or Complete) You. Tears, emotional outbursts and heartbreaks run deep and wide on The Bachelor. One man: 30 ladies means there are going to be about 29 upset, ‘emo’, distraught women on the show at one time or another. “He didn’t choose ME for the special 1:1 date?!” “How could he pick HER over me?” “I thought he loved me! He said he did…” Hate to break it to you ‘bachelorettes’ but the goal of the show is not polygamy (multiple mates)…it is for one. And while The Bachelor whispers sweet nothings in all of their ears…only one girl will be ‘chosen’ in the end. Thus, to “place all your cookies in one basket”—and believe that one man is the end-all-be-all to happiness is…absured. Right? You see that as you watch the show—but in the moment, for the girls on the show, it’s tough to believe. The SAME THING applies for you and me. While men are great. Dating is great. Marriage is great. A special someone is great. Attention is great. A MAN DOES NOT DEFINE YOU—or equate to total happiness. Despite what Jerry McGuire claims, a relationship CANNOT complete us. Rather, when we are solid at our core—we know who we are, we pursue our passions, we have our own dreams, we have a backbone and self-worth all our own…a relationship, a man, a significant other only compliments us. Although it’s MUCH EASIER to visually see and acknowledge this fact as you watch The Bachelor, it can be 100% more difficult to believe when…everyone we know (and their mom) is married and ‘in love,’ or we secretly wonder in the back of our minds if every male we talk to is ‘the one’?!…or if we are married, we assume that we should have it “all”—and struggle to understand why we don’t always feel that way. Complete yourself FIRST. In order to love others well, we must first love ourselves.
- We All Desire Love & Acceptance. FOMO is real (fear of missing out). It’s a cry of the human heart to have others in their lives…be fulfilled…be accepted…acknowledged…seen…heard. This is all too easily displayed on The Bachelor…every girl wants to be chosen for the special dates, the next round, the ‘meet the family’ episode, the final rose ceremony. Just like middle school (when EVERYONE wanted to fit in, be “cool”, popular or included), we adults still can fall into the same trap. While many of us do grow out of this, to a degree, we all still have that occasional insecurity pop up: “What are they doing?” “Why didn’t they invite me?” “Everyone’s out and about having a good time and I am such a loser.” You know: that inner critic. Want to now a secret for turning that inner critic around? For becoming the ‘most popular’ person—regardless of your age or season in life? Think about others before yourself. Seriously, genuinely care. Think about ways to lift others up, reach out, make a difference, affirm, love, compliment, show interest in others…and 9 times out of 10, the recipient on the other end will be astonished, flattered, intrigued. This is super easy to do:
- Simply text a friend and let them know you are thinking about them
- Buy a simple ‘gift’ the next time you are at the grocery store (your favorite tea, a bar of dark chocolate, flowers, a card) and leave it on your neighbor’s front porch
- Write a snail mail letter and send it to a friend you haven’t caught up with in years; or send a letter to an old teacher or mentor and let them know what a difference they made in your life
- Call your mom and see how her day is going;
- Compliment someone on their amazing eyes, their cute outfit, their inspiring vibe
- Leave a surprise for your mailman in the mailbox
- Buy coffee for the person standing behind you in line
- Treat a kid to fun adventure—a skating outing, park date, smoothie
- Send a client or colleague a podcast or article that made you think about them
- Affirm someone of the awesome work they are doing or message they are sharing
- Think outside the box!
I learned this one from my ol’ mentor Dale Carnegie (author of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”—one of my favorite books). The best part? It gets you OUTSIDE YOURSELF. Thinking about others helps us put our own insecurities to the wayside, and rather see our day to day comings and goings; our interactions as a special operation mission. Ghandi’s quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world” is not corny…it’s fo real. You have the power to do just that.
Know your worth—whether you “get the final rose” or not in your day to day life.
Watching the Bachelor with the girls tonight?
Here are a few Bachelor-worthy “Superbowl” snacks to nosh on:
Healthy “Superbowl” Snacks (for the Bachelor Finale)
Shrimp & Salmon Cakes with Homemade (Sugar-Free) Cocktail Sauce or Guacamole
6 oz. can tomato paste
4 TBSP Horseradish
½ tsp Salt
Lemon, juice-fresh squeezed
For Salmon Cakes:
2 6-oz. cans Wild Alaskan Salmon
3 egg yolks
sea salt & pepper, to taste
½ tsp paprika
¼ tsp garlic powder (or 1 clove garlic, minced)
½ cup minced onion
3 tbsp coconut oil
Directions Cocktail Sauce
Combine all sauce ingredients in a small mixing bowl. Whisk together with a fork until consistency is even. Serve with the peel-and-eat shrimp or salmon cakes. OR whip up some guacamole by mixing mashed avocado with lemon juice, sea salt and pepper.
Directions Salmon Cakes
- Preheat oven to 350-degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper or tin-foil sprayed with cooking spray
- Mix salmon, yolks, and spices in a mixing bowl. Add onion and garlic and mix.
- Using hands, form salmon into ‘cake’ patties and place each cake on the parchment paper (approximately 8-10 patties)
- Bake salmon cakes for 15 minutes.
- Remove cakes and heat coconut oil in a pan on stove on medium-high heat.
- Fry the cakes for about one minute each side, until crispy and golden brown.
- Bon apetit
Coconut Butter Stuffed Dates
12 dates, pitted
1 cup coconut butter
Melt coconut butter in microwave to soften (about 10-15 seconds). Slice each date open and stuff with coconut butter.
Kale Chips with optional “Nacho Cheese”
2 bunches kale, washed
Sea salt, to taste
Pepper, to taste
2 tablespoons coconut oil or extra virgin olive oil
Optional: Cheese sauce
¾ cup cashews
1 clove garlic, peeled (or ¼ tsp garlic powder)
2 tablespoons coconut aminos
1/3 cup nutritional yeast (found in ‘bulk’ section; NOT brewer’s yeast)
1 lemon, juiced
Directions Cheese Sauce
Cover cashews with water in a small bowl and let them soak for at least one hour.
Preheat oven to the lowest heat setting (180-200°F). Line a couple baking sheets with parchment paper.
Drain cashews and set aside.
Combine cashews, garlic, coconut aminos, oil, nutritional yeast, and lemon juice in a food processor.
Blend until smooth.
Trim stems from each kale leaf and cut each leaf into chip-sized pieces.
In a large bowl, combine kale with the cashew paste and stir until all pieces of kale are evenly coated.
Place kale pieces on baking sheets, allowing space between each piece so they do not touch or overlap.
Bake kale until crisp and completely dry (approximately 1.5-2 hours)
Check after on hour and flip leaves over.
You know they are ‘done’ when chips are crunchy and stiff and topping is dry (not chewy or moist).
Note: If making without cheese sauce, simply wash and dry kale. Add coconut oil/olive oil, sea salt and pepper. Bake the same way (without added cheese sauce)
Easy Baked Meatballs with Honey Mustard Dipping Sauce
1 lb. grass-fed ground turkey (grass-fed beef or bison work too)
1/3 cup diced onion or 1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp. oregano
1 tsp. basil
sea salt & pepper, to taste
1 TBSP coconut aminos and/or 1/3 cup Nutritional Yeast (optional)
1 tbsp. coconut oil (or fat of choice), for frying the onion
For Honey Mustard
1/2 cup dijon mustard
2 TBSP organic raw honey
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Try this ONE by Primal Kitchen
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F and line a baking sheet with tinfoil and set aside.
In a mixing bowl, combine ground beef, egg, nutritional yeast/aminos (optional), oregano, basil, salt and pepper and set aside.
In a small pan over medium heat, melt coconut oil (or fat of choice) and pan fry onion (if using) until soft and golden brown.
Add onion to ground beef mixture and mix to combine.
Form meat into 12 golf-ball-sized balls with your hands and place on the baking sheet.
Bake for 20 minutes – flipping halfway through.
Combine all ingredients into a small mixing bowl and stir until completely combined and creamy. Store in a glass jar.
Prosciuitto Wrapped Citrus or Melon
Slices of fresh grapefruit, oranges or melon
Wrap one slice of Proscuitto around 1-2 slices of fruit. Serve.