Who is the number one person you think about in a given day?
Your spouse? Your BFF? Your family members?
None of the above.
Face it—we are all with ourselves 24 hours per day, 7 days per week; meaning…
The reality is: we are all innately selfish people; thinking about ourselves a lot.
Moreover, we have lots of time to spend pondering things like…
- “How annoyed I am that traffic got in my way; made me late;”
- “How excited I am when I get…(more likes on our Instagram post, a thoughtful text message, a job promotion, a sale on a pair of Kendra Scott earrings)”
- “What I want to do now, in my future; what I want to accomplish, achieve or experience;”
- “How lonely or fulfilled I feel based on my level of social interaction that day;”
- “How successful I am when I…(get an award or acknowledged; score in business; get my to-do list done).”
- “How I feeeeeel about myself when…(I look in the mirror, slip on my jeans, eat something I “shouldn’t have” eaten, etc.)”
Me. Me. Me.
There’s a whole lot of that me-first thinking going on.
We can’t help it.
That being said, when it comes to this latter point: how we feel about ourselves (our weight, our nose, the size of our waist, how comfortable we feel in our own bodies, our insecurities around how others perceive us, our worth, etc.), chances are…that we are the ones who CARE THE MOST about all these things.
Daily, I have the opportunity to sit down with women, from all walks of life, and sort through hangups and mindsets surrounding this idea of self-concept:
I JUST want to lose some weight.
Or, I just want to feel comfortable in my body.
And while the cries of their hearts are to be worthy, acceptable and simply more confident in their own skin…the reality of the matter is, is: NO ONE CARES ABOUT THESE THINGS LIKE YOU DO.
That ‘extra 5 lbs.’? No one else on the street is scrutinizing you because it “looks like you could stand to lose about 5-10 lbs.
That crooked nose? No one lies awake at night fretting over the decision of whether or not to get a nose job.
The little bit of weight you wish you could put on? Sure maybe you’d look better, feel better, or be a bit stronger—but again, no one else is feeling the daily weight that you do to put on a little bit more mass.
That extra bit of skin under your arms, or on your sides, or inbetween your thighs? Sure it could look good not to have that there—but who on earth is visualizing or overanalyzing what your body could be if it wasn’t there? No one BUT YOU.
In other words: Get over yourself.
While this is NOT intended to sound cold or non-sentimental, the reality is, is that we wayyyyyyy overthink our own self-concepts—so much so sometimes that it actually inhibits us from immersing ourselves fully into the present, life around us, and our own true purposes and living out our passions because we become TRAPPED by self-doubt, self-loathing and an endless spiral of negativity.
“I am unable to enjoy anything really nowadays; things that I used to love to do; or really being a part of anything—from volunteering, to my work, to socializing and social events—because I really just don’t like myself. All I can think about is how awkward I feel in my body; or self-conscious I feel about my weight and what I look like.”—honest confessions of a woman TRAPPED by this conniving, mind-captivating disease of Stinkin’ Thinkin.’
What beliefs—or rather, lies—have become a regular part of your mindset?
What insecurities, habits or mindsets hold you back from truly being present, engaged and knowing true joy in your life—the type of joy that comes from an inner peace of mind and heart, ultimately with yourself?
Telling you (and myself) to “just get over it” is wayyyyy easier said than done.
Chances are, whatever insecurities you currently have, there are deeper roots (and long-seeded beliefs) than just “deciding” to get over it.
A transformation of the way you see yourself; the ways you speak to yourself; and your awareness (and belief) that you DON’T HAVE TO STAY STUCK (in these mindsets) must be addressed.
Here are 3 THRIVE Tips for “Getting Over Yourself”—action steps you can take TODAY to breaking up with that inner-critic who keeps you stuck in self-loathing and from experiencing all this life has to offer you (and all that YOU have to offer the world).
See yourself as the girl you WANT to be.
Who is healthy; or happy; or at peace Abby, Michelle, Sarah, Lauryn, ____ (inset your name)? How does she think? How does she speak to herself? What does she fill her days, her time, and her mind with? What daily decisions does she make for herself?
Anyone remember the popular WWJD bracelets of the 90’s? A reminder every time you looked at your wrist to question: What would Jesus do?—no matter what situation, obstacle, challenge, opportunity or question presented itself.
The same can be said about the mindset you choose to embody, around the healthy you that you hope to be. The girl who is genuinely comfortable in her own skin; takes care of herself; does not struggle with her _____ (eating disorder behaviors, isolation, depression, negative thought patterns, etc.).
Even if you don’t “feel like her” yet—begin to FAKE IT (until you make it). Choose to put on the mindset of the girl you want to become—and likewise, begin to make daily choices, decisions and actions out of that girl.
So as we think, therefore we become.
Get outside yourself.
Even if it’s like pulling teeth at first, there is something about “getting outside of ourselves” and loving and serving others well, with a heart of care, compassion and concern for others.
Be it volunteering; performing a random act of kindness for a neighbor or stranger; calling up a friend on their birthday instead of sending a Facebook message; texting someone to let them know you are ‘just thinking of them’; etc….thinking about others has statistically proven to UP YOUR OWN MOOD and self-concept.
In fact, according to a survey released by the UnitedHealth Group and the Optum Institute, volunteering is linked to better physical, mental and emotional health, with 76% of respondents reporting feeling physically healthier as a result of volunteering; 94% improved their moods; 96% stating that volunteering enriched their sense of purpose in life; and 78% reporting that volunteering lowered their levels of stress.
Put some love (for others) in your life—especially if you are having a hard time with loving yourself right now.
While there is a saying that goes, “You can’t fully love others until you first love yourself,” sometimes, gosh darn it, you do have to fake it until you make it.
Focus on self-care.
Instead of choosing to fixate on what you hate about yourself, or your bod, what if, instead, you embraced right where you are at, and focused on taking the BEST POSSIBLE CARE OF YOURSELF that you can today?
- Nourishing your body with life-giving whole foods;
- Cooking up a delicious and nutritious recipe to fuel your energy, your brain, your muscles;
- Drinking a minimum of half your bodyweight in ounces today for glowing skin, eyes and awesome digestion;
- Moving your body—in some form or fashion—to help your heart beat more; build muscle mass; express your body’s amazing things it CAN do today; and having fun with the challenge of ‘getting better’ (if you don’t ‘feel like you’re good enough’ today);
- Tucking in at a decent hour to get 7-8 hours of sleep tonight, if you’ve been running off fumes;
- Taking a break from work, work, work, work…for some much-needed play or social time;
- Carving out a special “me time” in your schedule to do something you genuinely love to do (read a book; create/be artistic; write; go on a walk with a friend; bake; etc.)
By building into yourself; rather than breaking yourself down—time and time again—you may find that you are going to rise and stand.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.—Isaiah 43:19