I wouldn’t go back to middle school in a million years…or if you paid me a million dollars.
Awkward frumpy, wavy hair.
Awkward braces.
Awkward fashion sense (bell bottom jeans, Sketchers platform sneakers, and overalls anyone?).
Awkward crushes on boys and asking friends to scope out his feelings too.
Awkward lunchtimes—feeling conflicted whether or not to sit at the popular table one day, or with my down-to-earth friends the next.
Awkward puberty talks with my mom.
Awkward mini-van carpools to and from the mall or movies.
Awkward note passing in class—and getting caught by my teacher, who read it aloud: “Mr. Adams is so hot.”
Awkward yearning to just fit in.
Nope. No way, no how.
Somehow though, I managed to survive, and today, a big part of my mission in my life and line of work is to pay it forward: teach about (and spare other girls from) the awkward growing pains of middle school.
This past week, I had the opportunity to lead a mini-summer camp for 11 and 12-year-olds, on the brink of 6th grade—middle school.
I called it “Middle School Survival 101” and we met every morning from about 9 until noon to dissect and prepare for launching into a brand new school year as a confident girl, with self-care and self-worth at our foundation.
Each jam-packed day entailed movement—learning how to be stronger, physically, through a new learned skill (squat, pushup, plank, row) and a group fitness workout. We then went inside for a healthy snack and nutrition lesson on more than just the “My Plate” the girls learn in the school system. We talked about the best skin-care secret weapon (water), digestion and feeling good inside and out, sugar and its sneaky sources, and diets and eating disorders. Sessions concluded with a relevant middle school 101 lesson, including: Personal self-care, makeup and skin care; Goal setting and attaining; Dealing with mean girls and meeting new people; and Positive body image.
Some nuggets I passed along included:
- This too shall pass
- Go in the direction of your dreams—think bigger
- The mean girls and popular kids won’t always be the top dogs
- Don’t let your BFF pluck your eyebrows
- You don’t have to gloss your lips between every class
- No one cares if you wore that shirt two weeks ago, they are more concerned with themselves
- Be kind to everyone—that is true popularity
- Don’t use Sun-In (orange hair)
- Leave the cat eye and smoky eye makeup tricks to the makeup artists
- Don’t waste kisses on toads
- Aim for classy, not trashy
- Counting calories will only make you go crazy; focus on nourishing your bod
- You are beautiful as you are
The girls were like sponges, soaking everything up, asking lots of questions; but what impressed me the most was how much they had their heads on their shoulders.
While I hopefully did teach them a thing or two about surviving life in middle school, they, too, taught me a thing or two about what it means to EMBRACE WHERE YOU ARE AT THE PRESENT (even the dreaded middle school) and having a firm foundation of who you are and where you com from, regardless of a world that sometimes drags us down.
Here is their take on life in middle school:
If people aren’t nice (or are rude, bitchy, difficult) walk away. “If a friend ditches me, I would just say, ‘Her loss girlfrand!” Ashley said. “Ya!” the other girls chimed in. In other words: Don’t take things so personally—be it a girl-gone-mean in middle school,a coworker, a customer, a stranger in the parking lot during holiday shopping time…”Let it gooooo” (Frozen reference).
When music comes on, just dance. T-Swift or Katy Perry anyone? Instant dance party went down during the workout time-regardless of what we were doing. The girls heard music, and it was “Stop. Drop. And dance!” as if it was a universal language. How often do you allow yourself to just be in the present, and enjoy the moment? (And also not care about what anyone else thinks about you?). Just dance.
Discover what your passions are, and let those drive you. Each one of my girls had a thing or two that she was adamant about: Soccer, volleyball, writing, reading swimming, Girl Scouts. Each of my girls knew what it is they loved to do, and allowed those passions to spur them towards greatness (During our goal setting session, the girls revealed things such as: Wanting to be on the U.S. Women’s Soccer team; Wanting to write a best-selling book; Wanting to go to college on a volleyball scholarship, etc. The best part? Not ONE of the girls said, ‘That’s impossible.’ Each girl knew her passions and let them drive her, and her own vision for her life. No school of hard knocks here).
It’s all about that bass. During the body image lesson, we had a more serious time of discussion about the current messages being sent to girls and women concerning beauty and body image, as well as awareness about eating disorders. Then in the midst of the question, “What do you all think is the ideal?” One of the girls chimed in, “It’s all about that base!” Eureka! Refreshing revelation! The girls all giggled, and attested to it being true…a girl with some meat on her bones, a butt, and ultimately, self-confidence was ok by them.
Tune out the ‘should’ monster. Along the same lines as that ‘bass’, tell any one of these girls what she ‘should be’ or ‘should do’ and she’d look you up and down and say, ‘Seriously?’ In other words, these chicks had minds of their own. As we discussed dieting, for instance, one of the girls stated, “Uh…I like food too much. I just eat when I am hungry. Why can’t people just do that?” and during our skin-care and makeup talk, all the girls thought it was really funny that some girls would cake makeup on to get boys to like them, or to try to look like they had it all together. “Natural is best,” another girl said. Societal and middle school norms have had yet to really penetrate these girls’ minds and hearts…and it is my hope, this past week planted a seed to help them preserve their backbones.
Be open-minded. Our daily workouts entailed new skills, movements and challenges the girls had yet to unearth. And yet, no matter what challenge came their way…they were ready to tackle it, head on. Squats? Bear crawls? Squat jumps? Burpees? Push-ups? “Tell us what to do coach!” their actions said daily. Outside of workouts, one of my favorite sessions with them was our friendship lesson. We talked about meeting new friends come the middle school transition and I posed a ‘scary’ challenge to them: To go meet someone in the camp facility (the Hills Fitness & Wellness Center) and find out three interesting facts about them. The idea initially scared them… “What? Meet someone new? I am nervous…” one girl said. I allowed them to go in pairs, but like it or not…they went…and came back with newfound confidence in their ability to make small talk conversation. Unlike adults who complain about everything, or shy away from uncomfortable challenges in our lives, the girls jumped in to each day, each activity, talk or topic presented and were ‘all in’—open minded to what they could learn or gain from the experience through full participation.
These middle school girls were quite different than I remember middle school…