My Story: Breaking Free

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Written By

Lauryn

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Expert Reviewed By

Dr. Lauryn Lax, OTD, MS

Dr. Lauryn, OTD, MS is a doctor of occupational therapy, clinical nutritionists and functional medicine expert with 25 years of clinical and personal experience in healing from complex chronic health issues and helping others do the same.

Isaiah | My Story: Breaking Free

“He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed….”-Isaiah 61:1

Do you ever feel stuck in a rut or captive to a habit, body or chain you just wish would break?! I get it.

These words popped off the page from my book “Breaking Free” —the study became my escape from the chaos during afternoon “quiet time”

“Why couldn’t you just let the eating disorder go?” is a question I am often asked.

If I was SO ready to be out of treatment & treatment WASN’T helping, why did I somehow ALWAYS end back up in or stay in treatment?

Answer: I didn’t know how to break FREE.

Treatment was the ONLY way others knew how to help me— babysitting my eating disorder (saving me from my own self-destruction outside).

However, in treatment, my body and mind still itched to run 10 miles/hour on a treadmill, eat my turkey patties, and be a “success story” on the cover of Oxygen magazine.

You can take the girl out of her eating disorder, but you can’t take the eating disorder out of the girl (until she is READY).

Outside treatment, while I no longer wanted to be the 69-pound, 10-year-old that had kickstarted my eating disorder, I simply did NOT KNOW how to function.

Sure, I learned a WHOLE LOT about how to SURVIVE treatment and be the “perfect patient”…

But no one ever helped me get clear vision for what REAL RECOVERY meant (aside from eating prunes, ice cream, and daily weight checks in my hospital gown).

I felt 100% disconnected from my body, and identity—who I was—(aside from a number on the scale, calorie count for my “meal plan,” and diagnosis)

Couple this with the drill sergeant ED in the back of my head…And I kept running back to “him” (like an abusive boyfriend)…every time. I didn’t now how to function without HIM.

I didn’t WANT to…but I was conflicted.

The only way I could quiet the noise was to look to truth elsewhere, like these next words…

“ To all who mourn, He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joy-filled blessing instead of sadness…and they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory….” Isaiah 61:3

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