Official Day 1 of treatment was only the beginning of an unforeseen WILD ride…Think the story is over?…Think again…
It all began with “Mr. Bagel” and THIS blog post (below) that I wrote up on Day 1 of treatment—kicking off a healing journey like NONE OTHER I’d experienced in my previous 13 years of treatments…
I kept a blog EVERY DAY for the next 365 days straight, and I called it “Living for Today 365”—and that is EXACTLY what I had to do…Slowly but surely, the Lord was going to wring that eating disorder out of me, and not let me go until it was FINISHED…
Here’s to one of the SCARIEST days in treatment yet…
Sept. 5, 2011:
“I met my match today: 8 a.m. breakfast table at the apartment: a large hearty whole grain wheat bagel.
A bagel!…Uhh…can you say spike in MY blood pressure?!
Don’t remember the last time I ate one of those things! (After all, isn’t the latest research about NOT eating carbs!?).
While this is only day ONE of what I’d like to call “carb-fest” (lots of bread, pasta, rice, grains to come), today was a HUGE step for me with SO much more meaning than actually eating bread or not…
While I am still uncertain if bread and grain-based carbs will be a regular part of my everyday routine…eating a bagel today symbolized NOT letting a food or an ideal of perfection be my master.
I am called to be FREE and I will not let rules of this world or my own worst self-critic be my master any longer…
From here on out, I choose to trust in the process I am experiencing here and now (that challenges EVERY SINGLE WAY I have been living and believing since I was 10 years old).
A common misconception people don’t understand is that an eating disorder is NOT about the food…it’s about things like perfection, control, self-worth…
Today I discovered that so much of my drive for perfection in my eating and working out has to do with my self-critic and being so hard on myself.
So, today, Mr. Bagel shook hands with Self-Acceptance…Although they may not be best friends yet…they CAN be on peaceful terms.
Bagel Wednesdays…here goes nothing…