We are the stories we tell ourselves.
And according to a recent study published, in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (Cvencek et al, 2015), girls begin to develop a low self-esteem as young as 6-years-old.
Here are a few key findings:
Low Self-Esteem Starts Young
If you thought wearing braces and frizzy hair were tough, flashback to your 1st grade classroom when your teacher asked the class to shout out the answer to the answer for 7 + 5.
When you said, “11!” instead of “12,” Mikey snickered at you and your teacher told you to think harder. And you totally shut down. Lips locked. Who are you to think you know the answer?
By age 6, researchers found that girls begin to feel more self-conscious about their own abilities, smarts and value in the world.
Boys are Perceived to be “Smarter”
In the first part of the study, girls and boys were told a story about a person who is “really, really smart,” and then were asked to identify that really smart person among the photos of two women and two men. The people in the photos were dressed professionally, looked the same age and appeared equally happy.
At age 5, both boys and girls tended to associate “smartness” with their own gender (most girls chose women and most boys chose men).
However, as they grew older and began attending school, the kids began learning and endorsing gender stereotypes. By age 6 and 7, girls were “significantly less likely” to select the women, and the results were similar even when the kids were shown photos of children.
Girls Don’t Think They Can Hang with the Boys
Another observation was that, when researchers asked the girls to select children who looked like they succeed in school (as opposed to children who were “smart”), girls tended to pick girls, (meaning that their initial perceptions of “being smart” were not based on academic performance—but instead, gender stereotypes).
In the second half of the study, children were introduced to two new board games, one described as an activity “for children who are really, really smart” and the other one “for children who try really, really hard.”
Five-year-old girls and boys were both likely to opt to play the game for “smart kids,” but by age 6 and 7, only the boys still wanted to play that game, while girls chose the other activity.
Co-researcher, Andrei Cimpian, an associate professor in the psychology department at New York University, said, “There isn’t anything about the game itself that becomes less interesting for girls, but rather it’s the description of it as being for kids that are really, really smart.”
These messages go far beyond our brains too.
Girls are Praised for Beauty. Boys are Praised for Strength & Abilities.
At a young age, we girls were sent distinct messages about our own value and worth—much based on what we look like and our behavior.
“She’s such a good little girl,” or “You’re such a pretty little girl” are messages implanted in our heads as being “good” things—even before we are aware of really what we look like, or the difference in being a “good” or “bad” little girl.
In fact, beauty—and ideals of beauty—are implanted in our heads from the moment we emerge from the womb: Disney princesses, Barbie dolls, pretend vanity makeup sets, Polly Pockets—being pretty, small, and having a man on our arm are the ideals of women’s worth.
Little boys, on the other hand, hear a different message:
“You’re so big and strong!” “Show me your muscles.” “You’re so fast.”
And they look to amazing role models, like Superman, Batman, Tom Brady, Kevin Durant and the Incredible Hulk to define what it means to be a “man” (strong, capable, leaders).
Little girls are told it’s what’s on the outside that makes them worthy.
Little boys are told it’s what’s on the inside (their strength, ability, power and might).
The Big Problem: Beauty is on the “Outside”
Unfortunately despite the huge body image movement in our culture today with social media ad campaigns like: Dove’s Real Beauty Campaign, Aerie’s natural (non-airbrushed models), “Operation Beautiful” and the most recent film, Embrace—we are still placing a high esteem and value on our outward appearance (even in our efforts to focus less on the body).
“Love your body!”
“Strong is the new skinny.”
“You are beautiful.”
“Embrace your body!”
These are not inherently bad, but what’s wrong with these messages?
We’re STILL leaving out the inside.
Girls are very rarely told: You are strong (inside). Capable. Worthy.
When will we stop looking at the outer appearance—both positive or negative messages alike—and instead start focusing more on girls’ and women’s inner beauty and worth?