A thigh gap.
That used to be one of my primary goals when it came to my physique and fitness.
Today, I embrace those touching thighs.
They are strong. They fill out my favorite Lululemon Run Inspire Crops and jeans. They carry me through life without obsessions of food, exercise or a number on a scale consume my every waking thought.
It’s crazy today to think about just how much this endeavor consumed me.
Daily, I’d wake up, look in the mirror, still in my nighttime t-shirt, stand with my feet together, and just see if my thighs were touching or not.
And for several years, thanks to a lack of food and non-stop leg exercise aerobics (i.e. squats in the shower, lunges down the hall, running up my stairs, calf raises while drying my hair, etc.) they actually did not (touch).
My all consuming fixation on my thighs—and the luminous thigh gap—stems back to my 9 and 10-year-old self—feeling ‘bigger’ than the other little girls in my dance class and school, at a healthy 80 lbs.
I also vividly remember dancing and leaping down the halls in my house, like little girls do—and my mother kiddingly stating, ‘It sounds like an elephant up there.’ Another day, I remember her saying she did had bigger thighs, and still one more statement that ‘little girls often grow up to look like their moms’
While my mom meant no harm in any one of these comments, and she most certainly has one of the healthiest relationships with her body of any woman I naievly interpreted each of these separate experiences and comments to mean one thing: I was not good enough.
And I don’t think I am alone.
Earlier this week, I was inspired to reflect upon this phenomenon when I came across this article from NBC Today Show on a new movement spreading on Twitter: #ThighReading.
In essence, this movement was spurred on due to the UNHEALTHY relationship many women have with their own bodies: thighs included.
#ThighReading is spurring on women everywhere to share the stories that their thighs tell.
From cellulite, to scars, to muscle , to bruises, to moles and more—everyone’s thighs have a story.
As cheesy as it sounds, the heart of the message behind this movement is centered on: Valuing yourself.
Today, I know valuing myself is the link that was missing for those torturous 14 years I spent hating myself.
What about you?
What lies or statements or beliefs or even habits (around de-valuing yourself) have you been holding on for FAR TOO LONG?
So much so that they actually have become entrenched truths and false beliefs in your heart of hearts?
Exhibit A:
“Give me your battery.”
She GAVE IT UP.
After years spent day in and day out stepping on that scale, a friend of mine recently turned over the battery…TO ME.
“I’ve been thinking about what you were saying—about throwing out the scale…and I decided to do it—to stop weighing myself EVERY day,” she said, handing me the small round battery.
Scary? Yes.
Liberating? Heck YES!
“I am never happy either way. I step on it, and it’s up, and I am mad and down. I step on it, and it’s down, and I either want to reward myself with a binge or ‘work harder’—just feeling like I have to keep up all the work I am doing around my diet, exercise and legalistic rules,” she said.
And the beat goes on with that darned scale!
You’re ‘damned if you do’ and ‘damned if you don’t.’
The best option?
THROW IT OUT!
With anything—any ‘beating’ we do with ourselves (from my thigh gap obsession, to a scale or weight-monitoring obsession, to a fixation on our stomachs, our arms, our butts, our boobs—and more)—it quite honestly is NEVER GOING TO STOP CONTROLLING US, until we TAKE A STAND to do something that’s the opposite.
How I found liberty from my thigh gap obsession?
I started squatting! ; ] –really squatting…with a weight and barbell (not obsessively performing 100 air squats in my bathroom shower! #Craziness)
I started squatting, and realized that stronger legs=way better than weaker legs.
And I began to find strength from within that I was able to physically reflect on the outside the stronger I became.
In addition, I began turning my thoughts from depriving my body to caring for my body. It was in this self-care, that touching thighs became more than OKAY—but something that I embraced.
The word ‘healthy’ to me used to be a synonym for ‘fat.’
Today, it is a synonym for empowerment.
If your thighs touch…embrace it….
You are woman, watch you roar.