You can’t run away from your problems…
Even though I was in one of the coolest cities in the country (Austin) and living in the “best years of my life” (college), the eating disorder obsessions did not get better.
While I had big hopes to become the “next Katie Couric” (on the NBC Today show), my eating disorder’s personal rigid agenda came first
It’s important to clear the air here: I was NO LONGER TRYING to be “thin” little Lauryn; nor was I necessarily scared about “getting fat” (like many people assume about people with eating disorders).
Instead I was terrified of being “out of control”; not feeling good in my own skin; and facing the abusive self-talk I’d face from my eating disorder if I EVER “broke the rules.”
College was a challenge to say the least.
Faced with gross dorm food, tons of (calorie-burning) walking to class, AND 3 campus gyms a 2 to 10 minute walk away, my eating disorder had a “PARTY!”
No drinking or drugs for me.
Instead, I cooked my own turkey patties on my “illegal” George Forman grill I snuck in…loaded my fridge with carrots and my canned protein drinks…took the LONG WAY to class…and hit the elliptical, Stairmaster, group pump, yoga class or weight room every second in between class.
I moved into the dorm early to go Sorority RUSH…but got cut from all my top picks. While the girls smiled at me and seemed interested in who I was, I always saw the double glances from others in most any room I walked into…They knew I was not well.
The silver lining of it all? The Lord blessed me with a dorm FULL of some of the best, most amazing girlfriends (and prayer warriors) as well as new church, Austin Bible, led by Zach and Jennie Allen @jenniesallen —who soon introduced me to what “family” was really all about.
The day before my official Day 1 of class, I went to the doctor appointment (I’d promised my parents I’d go to) and, with a heart rate in the 40’s and recent 10-pound weight loss (without trying), I did not make it to class…